literature

Paranoia

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StarlitNova's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

They are looking at me again
I can feel their looks lying on my skin
Their words of judgment stick to me like knives
Seeking me out wherever I try to hide

Words whispered behind my back
They smile to my face, but it's all an act
I hide from them, in the shadows of the night
Run from the humans, run from the light

"It's just part of high school" You don't understand
I stick out in this place like a sea in the land
They notice me, the girl standing too tall
Still I try to shrink, make myself more small

The girl that stands out, easy target to hit
Even though all she wanted was to fit
© 2013 - 2024 StarlitNova
Comments13
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BDancinJones's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

"Sonnet." Your word, but not mine; the iambic rhythm inherent to a sonnet is missing. Having read that description, it became very difficult for me to read this at first; I tried hitting the rhythm but it became very awkward, especially when there were an odd number of syllables in a line. Remove the word sonnet from the description, however, and you have a much better piece. My rating on technique is so low only because it is mislabeled as a sonnet; when it takes its own rhythm, though, the piece vastly improves, but it still lacks punctuation. As much as the words are a part of creating rhythm, as is the punctuation important in showing me where a slight rest or pause is necessary. I can spot places where periods, commas, and (semi)colons could all be placed.

As far as word choice and themes are concerned, however, you do a great job; you do considerably better than a lot of people on deviantArt simply by giving us a more specific character who suffers abuse rather than just a cardboard cutout being cut-up with scissors. The contrast between being so tall and trying to shrink is one particular image which I find interesting and compelling, if only because the one thing I hear more than anything else is how tall I am. I will say that the topics aren't terribly gripping; it is sadly just another bully story, and that hurts the overall power of the piece, but for its genre it is decently well done.

In short, the ideas and topics are common and not less than thought-inspiring, but the execution, although missing some chunks, did a decent job at leaving an impression on the reader.